We all feel this right? Am I the only one who still feels that she is doing something wrong as a mother?
Sidekick will be coming up to six months old soon (I can’t believe it!) and yet I weekly still feel that somehow I still haven’t got it right. That somehow my mothering is wrong.
Maybe it’s because I’m beyond tired, teething and rolling in the sleep and getting stuck on tummy is not fun.
I just keep thinking, I must be doing something wrong, she’s still feeding every two hours because I must not have got the latch right, she isn’t in a sleep schedule in the day because she doesn’t sleep for longer than 40 minutes unless she’s ill. She still only naps on me in the day because I let her develop that habit.
I’ve read all the things about extending naps, I’ve tried them all and I know that some babies are cat nappers and are perfectly happy. Sidekick is happy, she’s growing and meeting her milestones, she doesn’t wake up cranky. I know all this and yet I still find myself thinking, insisting that I have to be doing something wrong.
At times I feel I have done everything wrong. The reason why I can’t join the baby groups is because I didn’t enforce a schedule from early on. The thing was, I thought (and usually still do when I’m not running on like 6 hours sleep for the last two days) that doing baby led was the best thing for my baby. I’m not saying that I’m right, it’s just for me and Hubby when we discussed how we wanted to parent this is the route we decided to go down.
Oh I know I could change my mind, could enforce a routine, but like I said generally I don’t want to. Yes I find it hard that getting out the house is so difficult due to not knowing when we will be awake/asleep etc. I did go swimming the other day, took 2 hours for 15 minutes in the pool, really want to say it was worth it, it wasn’t she really didn’t like it. Think next time I’ll just fill the tub and sit in with her!
Why the hell can’t I move past this? Why do I keep thinking that I am wrong and that by extension Sidekick must be wrong as well then?
She is growing and she’s happy. Why do I keep measuring against the babies in books. Everyone has personalities, has their own sleep needs etc. Why do I keep trying to make her fit a mold?
Why do I feel like I suck as a mum?
I don’t know maybe it’s just the tiredness. I just wish I could move past this, I’m fed up of feeling this, of feeling that I am less of a mum because I haven’t joined groups, I don’t have mum friends.
I don’t know….