Ahhh the well known rod, come on everyone let’s say the well known phrase together…’you’re making a rod for your own back’. There don’t we all feel better now.
Hubby and I have been told this a lot, especially concerning our sleep arrangements with Sidekick.
Yes Sidekick is six months old, oh you’re suprised she doesn’t sleep through the night, crap I didn’t know that I wasn’t doing her any favours by not letting her cry and lie awake for goodness knows how long just so I can get some sleep. Seriously I didn’t know I was spoiling her and raising a needy, manipulative child just because I let her sleep on me for a couple of hours in the morning so she stays asleep.
Oh my goodness I’m raising Satan by all that I’m doing. Shit!
Can you tell I’m a bit fed up of being told how wrong I and Hubby are in doing what we are doing. Did we ask your opinion, nope! Did we even complain we were tired, no. Did we even say anything about Sidekick not sleeping through the night. No we did not, you just jumped in and started offering your opinon and telling us how we are setting ourselves up for problems.
Yet if we even begin to explain why we are doing what we are doing, why, after a lot of research and reading we decided that cry it out (and yes controlled crying is just as bad) is actually very detrimental to the development of babies, you begin to get really shitty.
So it’s okay for you to criticse our parenting choices but we can’t do that to you. Right.
I have been very careful not to ever make a comment on someone who has decided to do CIO. I don’t agree with it, I personally find it disrespectful to the baby and I think basically it’s stupid. Think about it seriously, you are asking a baby, a unique human who has been on this planet for maybe only six months to self soothe, to understand that it’s okay to be alone, that you as parents haven’t abandoned them and that you will return.
This childs brain is still operating on a primal level, it has not yet matured beyond this. So when you think CIO has worked, actually what has happened is the baby has learnt that there is no point crying, the caregiver isn’t coming back and by crying they are just going to attract something that is likely to eat them! So yeah, let’s all do this!
For flip sake!
Where is our humanity our compassion? When did it become a ‘thing’ that a ‘good’ baby is one that can sleep through the night (we’re talkin up to 12 hours) without waking for a drink. I know personally I cannot go that long without a drink, yet we expect our babies to? Seriously people, think this through.
I get that for some people CIO can seem like the only option, trust me I have been there.
I have had nights, like last night, where I sleep in 40 minute bursts. Where it has taken me two hours to settle my little one down only for her to wake up 30 minutes later. I know exhaustion, the feeling of your bones actually being on fire because you have nothing left in you. I also know what it’s like to then have to get up and look after them in the day, when Hubby (also sleep deprived) heads to work and you are so tired you don’t think you can make it through.
You know what though you can, you will.
The thing is a baby is just that a baby. They need you to be there for them, to reassure them, to make them feel safe. Yes I know it is exhausting and all consuming and that at times all you want is to have a moment on your own with nobody touching you. I get it, really I do, but CIO is not the way.
Yes I’ve said it, I do not think CIO has any place in modern day parenting. I think the research is growing year on year on the very negative effect CIO has on developing brains and I hope that at some point CIO, controlled crying will never be seen as acceptable.
So there, I’m saying it now, if people can criticse my parenting choices, I’m going to critices theirs!