Say hello because I’m not ok

Mothers talking

It’s funny isn’t it how we can view people.

You look at someone and think that they’ve got it together, that they are handling something.

I wonder how much of it’s for show.

These mums and dads who’ve got it together do they really or have they secretly got overflowing washing baskets and dishes piled in the sink?

I guess I’m feeling a bit useless, a bit like a failure.

I still struggle to get out and about with Sidekick. I haven’t found my ‘mum tribe’. Do they honestly exist?

I was out in the park the other day. Hubby had taken a day off and we were enjoying the warm weather. There was a group of mums in the park and my eyes just filled with tears.

I just felt like a failure because I haven’t been able to meet with mums.

It’s strange, a big part of me is fine with not meeting mum’s. Although it would be nice to talk to someone who talks back I have two mum friends who I’m in contact with in other ways. So I’m not totally alone.

My main reason for feeling like a failure is because I worry that Sidekick is missing out. That she will somehow be stunted because I haven’t been able to get her to play dates, classes etc.

Due to the fact that I haven’t forced Sidekick into a schedule and because Sidekick herself has not yet settled into one, we find it difficult to plan playdates. I worry constantly that I am failing Sidekick by not being enough, by not doing enough. The little voices begin to creep in telling me that I should try harder, that I have to be doing something wrong and that’s why my little unicorn baby hasn’t settled into a schedule, still struggles to sleep.

When I have managed to get out of the house to a baby event I’m the odd one out. The newbie who has no one to talk to. Mums aren’t always the most welcoming. It seems once you’ve found your ‘tribe’ you close ranks.

So what’s the point of my ramble? I guess it’s me saying your not alone out there, if you are struggling to do things you aren’t the only one. Sidekick is nearly 9 months old I’ve been to a total of 3 classes, 2 library visits and 1 playdate. That’s it. The rest of the time it’s me and her or family.

To anyone who is succeeding in getting out to classes etc. if you see a mum or a dad sitting on their own please go and talk to them. Them getting out to this class could be a massive achievement for them. Yes they may look slightly deranged, showering might not have occurred recently, but they’ve made it out and for them it is a big deal.

So please if you see someone like me who is nervous and probably a little stressed come over to us and say hello. Ask us a question about our little one and just show us that we aren’t complete failures. I know it’s awkward and us Brits are not always good at idle chit chat but please try!

Anyone else out there feeling like a failure?

6 thoughts on “Say hello because I’m not ok

  1. This was exactly the same for me and my little boy. Lost all my confidence and wished I had a tribe to belong to. Of the handful of classes we’ve attended I felt awkward and anxious and the other mums didn’t seem all that friendly. I went back to work when he was 9 months old and I’m so thankful I did as I regained some of my confidence and I work with the public so could chat away to them which made me feel less lonely. My son is just coming up for his first birthday and I still feel all of the things you’ve described. Am I enough? This really struck a chord and your right if I see someone else sitting alone when I do eventually pluck up the courage to go to a class I will be the first to go over and say hi!

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    1. Hi Claire, thank you for commenting and sharing your story. It really is hard out there! I never knew it was possible to feel so utterly useless and a complete failure. Some days are better than others and I think I’m making progress at times.

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  2. I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. I found it so difficult when I first became a mum and felt like my little one was missing out. I enrolled him in nursery for a couple of days just so he would be around other babies. I tried so many different classes and groups. I always made a point of getting numbers and arranging play dates and eventually I made a few friends and now have a wonderful group of friends. I hope you find your ‘tribe’ soon, wishing you luck 💕.

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  3. I’m sorry you feel that way. I wouldn’t worry too much about baby being in a routine – I used to just get out with my oldest and if they slept when we got to the group, it meant I got a hot cup of tea in peace. Make contact with your local nct branch – they will often organise meet ups, buggy walks and groups for mums to socialise. You could also offer to volunteer which is a great way to make friends. It’s hard putting yourself out there, asking people questions and striking up a conversation, but as a new mum, your babies are the perfect conversation starter? Do you have a local online mums group? They can be a good place to make connections before you meet in person. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you for commenting. I was hoping to join the NCT but the nearest one to me is 20 miles away! Unfortunately all the local services that used to be run nearer to me were cut the year my little one was born so it’s a bit of a trek to do things! I’m hoping now she’s getting a bit bigger and can stay up a bit longer we can get out a bit more. 🙂

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