So as part of getting me ready to go back to work we have been slowly building up the time Sidekick is away from me and staying with my folks.
Now that I have a breast pump Sidekick has spent her longest time away from me. Not a whole day, that’s coming soon, but a good 5 hours.
She did really well. No fuss at all.
I did well too!
The thing that struck me was when she was back with me was the love and bond we have. She wanted to be held a lot, she didn’t want Dada, she wanted extra boob. I knew this was coming, I’d read about the need to reconnect.
It got me thinking though about attachment parenting. One of the things I’ve heard about attachment parenting is that we will be raising a ‘mammy-mard’, a child that is incapable of coping on their own, that we are giving in to the demands of a baby, that they rule the family. You get the picture.
I agree that at the moment my day revolves around Sidekick, meals are had so that we all eat together. Sure this can mean I have lunch a bit before 12 but who cares, I’m hungry, and I get to eat with my girl.
It’s difficult to plan things because I don’t know when she’ll nap or for how long, but you make it work. You’ll find a friend who understands, usually because they’ve had a Firecracker baby, and you somehow manage.
Ignoring the idea of attachment parenting and just taking the simple idea that your life is supposed to change when you have a child isn’t it?
Having a child is selfish, it’s the most selfish thing we do. I and Hubby wanted a child so we made one. Now for me personally you then evolve to become selfless. For me at the moment Sidekick and her needs are number one priority. Will it always be this way? No. But she’s tiny, yes she will be one in a couple of months, but that’s nothing if you think how long she might live.
At this stage her wants and needs are the same. She wants milk, she needs milk.
Does this mean that I give up things. Sure does, but it’s for such a short time. Oh I know that it can feel forever, trust me I know. I was crying not only this week about how she will never sleep. But I took a breath and I got on with it knowing that she wasn’t being ‘difficult’ that she wasn’t a ‘bad baby’ because she wouldn’t sleep.
If anyone ever asks me if she’s a good baby sleeping through the night, I tell them she’s an amazing baby, waking up to show me how much she loves me and behaving naturally. When people tell me that I’ve got to break the bad habit of her sleeping in our bed, I ask why. Bed sharing was done by many a family for centuries and that 90% of the world population are still doing it. That maybe the way of the crib is wrong.
Did I expect that I would still be up four to five times a night at this stage, no. Did I think Sidekick would sleep in her crib, yes. Did I think that I would have bits of time ono m own when Sidekick was napping, sure did. Do I regret how I’m parenting, hell no!
Sidekick is happy and healthy, she engages with strangers, she spends time happily away from me, not crying when I leave. Why, because she knows I come back, she knows that I will respond to her needs whatever the time.
Does this mean I never let her cry, of course not, she cries when I pop her in crib so I can pee. She doesn’t like her play pen when I need to do some cooking. But I never let sob, her cries are frustration cries at this point, no tears, just her telling me she’s not impressed.
So what’s the point of my ramble? Easy, it#’s me saying keep going, keep holding, feeding, loving. Yes it’s exhausting but it’s so worth it.