It’s just different

Hubby highlighted that in theory I could be back at work in 6 weeks.

I did not like this fact.

I aren’t ready to go.

Now I am lucky in that I’ve managed to agree a two day working week.

I’m still not ready though.

With my impending return hovering I’ve been thinking about my time off.

I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why I’m not ready for my time away from Sidekick to begin is because I feel my time with Sidekick is just getting going.

We all have ideas in our heads about what our maternity leave will be like. I’m sure we all stupidly think that we will be able to do more, experience more than we do. Oh I’m sure some people achieve it but I bet most of us don’t.

It is only in this past week that I have achieved one thing that I thought I would do on my maternity leave. 10 months in and I’ve only just managed to do it.

There are still things I haven’t achieved. Simple things, like going to a shop with Sidekick on my own.

That’s one of the things that I have found hard. Sidekick is so intense, her first few months were so hard, I still feel raw. I am slowly getting better.

We are still up multiple times a night. A night with a three hour stretch is good. The other night I was up seven times. I wonder how I’m going to function at work.

Things are improving and its only now that I feel able to begin to tackle things I thought I would be doing throughout my maternity leave and that’s why I’m not ready. I almost feel cheated.

But whilst my maternity leave has been nothing like I thought it would be it has been amazing. I never knew I could love as deeply as I do now. I never knew I had the strength I do  now. I never knew I could function on so little sleep and that cereal and toast would e my main source of nutrition.

I cannot see my life now without Sidekick. Sure I know in theory what I’d be doing, but I wouldn’t have learnt so many things about me and my desires. She has made me focus.

So whilst it’s bee different, it’s been everything and more.

I keep reminding myself it’s only two days in work…..only two days….

The pen is mightier than the sword, why not say something

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