Feeling useless

You never know what being a parent is until you are one.

I mean that in the widest sense. Biological or not, if you are the main the carer for a baby, a child then you know how hard it is being a parent.

I have no clue what I am doing.

Does anyone else feel this?

At the moment my return to work is hanging over me. I feel like a cartoon character and there’s a piano hanging over my head.

I know that once I’m there and doing it and seeing that everything is okay I’ll feel better but at the moment I’m not feeling it. At the moment I’m feeling nothing but knots in my stomach.

Like I mentioned in my other post those midnight voices are muttering a bit louder than usual.

I just keep wondering how it’s all going to work. I know there’s no choice, it has to work, the bad nights will still occur and I will still get up and go to work because there is no other option.

Perhaps because we had to miss a big event last weekend that we had been looking forward to, because we just couldn’t make it work with Sidekick that I’m feeling more useless than normal.

I know that these moments are fleeting. I feel that more than ever at the moment as I’m already thinking about Sidekicks first birthday. I already feel that it is passing too quickly and yet I do crave a little bit of progress.

I want to be able to put my little one down to sleep and be able to leave her to sleep knowing that she won’t wake if I leave. I want to sleep for more than two hours in one go. Then I feel bad, as I know I’m going to miss it all when it’s all over.

I don’t know. I just feel a little lost, a little useless, like I’m not achieving anything like I should be.

And now I’m moaning….

The pen is mightier than the sword, why not say something

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