We plod on….

So I achieved one awesome thing this week…you know apart from the always awesome managing to get dressed and not live in my PJs.

I took Sidekick swimming…and she didn’t drown….yeay!!!

I’ve been swimming twice and both time Hubby was there to help because wriggly baby, water, gah too much stress.

But now that she can stand all on her own so much easier. We had a lot of fun and I was so stupidly proud of myself for achieving it.

I’m sad today…no not sad…I don’t know if there is a word for what I’m feeling.

I guess I get a bit down when I think that we still aren’t seeing any real improvement in Sidekicks sleep. She can’t self settle, still only does 40mins in her crib…you know all the things I’ve rambled on about.

I feel quiet lonely as I don’t have mum friends. I don’t have people to talk to about the things I’m feeling.

Feelings I’m sure all parents have.

Like the loss of identity, freedom, confidence.

God my confidence has taken a right knock since becoming a mum in all aspects of my life, work, social.

Anyone else suffer with this?

Also there is nothing like having a child to make you show how much time you wasted before. God how I wish I could go back and spend my time better, do things I put off because I thought I didn’t have the time for. I wish I’d said yes more.

I’m also feeling fed up of people telling me I should be shooting out another child. Firstly we have come to the decision that it probably isn’t the best idea for me to have another biological one and that upsets me each time I think about it. Also I don’t think I could cope with another one whilst Sidekick is still so intense. Then I just feel like a failure, others do it, why can’t I cope?

So here I am still figuring it out, still wondering at times when I’ll feel like I’m getting right.

Sidekick is happy and healthy though so I can’t be screwing it up too much….

 

The pen is mightier than the sword, why not say something

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